The virus screening program is a huge success! Welcome BA.5!

Good virus breeders don’t use them.

Congratulations, spreaders, you’ve created the most successful COVID mutation yet, BA.5! Of course, it was a collective effort that included the CDC, neo-Nazis, Trump, Russian intelligence, airline CEOs, artists, TV personalities, and most elements of our government. But your individual effort deserves recognition and praise.

You knew the virus can’t mutate on doorknobs or toilet seats. It needs hosts, and you’ve volunteered to be that vaccinated, boosted, unmasked, untested, asymptomatic Typhoid Mary-type host that breeds a fine viral mutation. And you knew that if we could have 100 times more hosts, we could have 100 times more mutations. The masks have fallen and the party is on!

Now is the time to work on the next major mutation, one that is as contagious as BA.5 and also causes large blood clots in the brain. I know you are up to the task, just keep your face bare and spend a lot of time in crowded places with your fellow spreaders.

And now for a comedy break before the vote!

Why can’t Donald Trump use a computer?

  • He cannot remove his finger from the Control key.

How many trumps does it take to change a light bulb?

  • It’s funny, you hesitated, as if Trump could change light bulbs.

Did you hear the Trump Presidential Library fire?

  • It was a tragedy! They saved most of the golf clubs, but lost the two books, the iPhone and the 7 televisions.

Why did Brett Kavanaugh show up for work in a white dress?

  • When they said the case involved some very good people, he thought they were talking about the KKK.

Why did Amy Coney Barrett freak out when she saw a drop of ketchup on her sleeve?

  • She thought it was a baby.

Why did Neil Gorsuch cross the street twice?

  • Because it’s a double cruiser.

Why does John Roberts think black dresses are fashionable?

  • He hangs out with people who think climate change and COVID are trending too.

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What do you expect for the next COVID mutations?



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What do you expect for the next COVID mutations?

More BA.x mutations, and not much different in terms of harmfulness

They should become less harmful and less disruptive

We should care about a problem that causes more serious harm to more victims